Siri’s a fucking smartass
Never heard of this one before :P
Make that 2!
Jack and John are working on the street, digging near the road. Suddenly, a rich man walks by and he drops something.
Jack: Look, John, 50 Dollars
John: Let me see
*walks up, picks the bill up and looks at it*
*tears the bill in half and drops it*
John: It’s fake! Have you ever seen 50 dollars with two zeros?
A man and his wife were awoken at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
“Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3:00 in the morning!”
He slams the door and returns to bed. “Who was that?” asked his wife..
“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers.
“Did you help him?” she asks.
“No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!”
“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t you
Remember about three months ago when we broke down, and
those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!”
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”
“Yes,” comes back the answer.
“Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband.
“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.
“Where are you?” asks the husband.
“Over here on the swing,” replied the drunk.